Tired...

I'm tired of feeling like the only one that cares, the only one that tries and the only one in this. I can't make a marriage work alone. I feel like I'm the only one putting the time in. Doesn't seem very fair, and if I mention it, it's immediatly turned around on me somehow. Feels like I can't win sometimes. I thought I was at a done point not too long ago, but it felt like that passed. Now, I'm not so sure. I just feel like old habits just keep creaping back in. It raises my insecurities, but then I feel like I can't mention it because I don't want to throw things in his face. I think I'm the only one holding my tounge though. Maybe I shouldn't, but I don't want to see that look of hurt.

First Time

This is my first attempt at blogging. I love checking out others, but I never had the courage to check it out first hand. Lately, I've just been compelled to put it all out there... anonymously for now. I just feel like we're all too quick to just say 'fine' when some asks how's life. I think if we were a little more honest with each other, we'd probably find that we're not alone in our true feelings.

Like me... I guess 'fine' could describe it, but I'm just not sure that 'fine' is enough. I want to be great,and in some aspects I am. Marriage has by far been my biggest challenge thus far. I don't think anyone can ever tell you how hard it will be, becuase you wouldn't 'get it.' I know I wouldn't have. And it's not that it's horrible... it's just fine. Well, I want more than fine. I know that I have as much a part in that as my husband, but I guess I'm not sure how to get out of the fine rut.

Anyways, that's where I'm at today.